The Onion: Body Image

The Onion: Body Image: This past weekend I had the opportunity to go to a free body shop boot camp called Temple Time at Sequoyah Community Church. We had a...

Body Image

This past weekend I had the opportunity to go to a free body shop boot camp called Temple Time at Sequoyah Community Church. We had a pleasant surprise, an instructional Krav Maga class. Photos were taken and posted on a social media site. I saw them and immediately shrieked and shrugged in horror at my own body. I became immediately embarrassed that those photos would incriminate me in this size-discriminating world. So I sent the person that posted the photos a message that I was not pleased with the photos and asked her to take them down. She replied surprised and thrown aback by my request. 15 hours later I asked Holy Spirit and myself what that episode was all about.

A little bit of my history about my positive body image; I have gone to many plus size modeling events and have been asked to travel but never said yes because my family comes first and I can’t see myself getting a family of six running around for my modeling career. I have spoken to many women that are much smaller than I, about their negative self-image and encourage them to love themselves where they are at NOW! Don’t wait until you reach your self-proclaimed perfection. So why was I so mortified looking at my own body?

I also have a history of being abused: physically, emotionally, sexually and mostly verbally. I was fully developed at the age of twelve and I would have grown men following me around town and older men pursuing me. Because I did not have a father in my life at that time, I loved any attention, even from physically abusive men. I grew up hearing many negative things about my body. I was compared to all of my mom’s friends smaller daughters. I was severely bullied in grades 3-7 by my entire class, teachers and parents. I was physically abused on the bus every day from school by the teens from the local Jr. High School. I am still observing the eyes and looks from people that think they are better than me because they are smaller and or physically fit. I mean, I could go on with the list of how I have been victimized, but my point would be muddled.

            Size Bias is alive and well in America, Despite that fact that an estimated 61 percent of U.S. adult population is considered overweight by the Centers for Disease Control. According to Rebecca Puhl’s article, Understanding Size Bias, Weight bias can be expressed verbally by peers (e.g., teasing, derogatory comments, being made fun of), through physical aggression (e.g., bullying), or through social exclusion from peer activities. She also states in her article that ‘People who are not overweight have stronger weight bias and negative attitudes compared to individuals who are overweight. By believing and accepting common weight-based stereotypes (e.g., that obese people are lazy), we promote an environment of intolerance and prejudice, leading to unfair treatment of individuals who are overweight.’

As a woman of larger stature, I have always been proud of my body. I want women to know that as soon as we accept ourselves as we are, then we will be able to love ourselves when we reach our goal weight. I believe that there are many women that do not love, or even like their bodies fully dressed, or naked.

Spiritually speaking, I have known in my heart that I am a child of the living god and I am wonderfully and beautifully made. I know that while I was still in my mother’s womb, he was knitting me together. I know he has my name written on the palm of His hand and he calls me his beautiful one and also I am His bride.

I have come to the conclusion that I am human , and I am going to have moments where I reject myself and my beliefs and revert back into that girl that was abused, I start to believe the lies that were spoken over me and I fall into the pit of self-hatred.

I will continue on this path of health; spiritual, emotional, and physical. Even people that are secure have very weak moments. At those times, we need each other to lift up, edify and encourage. I will fight the good fight of faith, the faith that I will be a healthy person.